Daperture

Context: 8PM, just finished showering and cutting hair after cleaning house from general neglect from the crazy weeks commuting to Nasdaq from Allentown.

It occured to me to at least jot down some semblance of random thoughts that occur w/out any inhibition. I have a sense of ambivalence cleaning sometimes as I find myself feeling both contempt and refreshment from the task. Contempt as I feel like the messes that surround me aren't mine and refreshment from being in a brighter environment. Ahh, c'est la vie. I'm just bitching cuz I've been feeling my body deteriorate from the weekly taxing on my body. Waking up at 4:25 to be in Philly by 6 isn't really bad. What's bad is that normal people don't goto sleep between 6 and 7. No matter how hard I try, I find myself going to sleep around 8:30 at the earliest and typically around 10pm-11pm which leaves me in a retarded stupor towards the middle of the week. However my body also loves to wake up around 7pm. What the hell is that? After fighitng sleep all day with provigil and caffiene, I find myself with a 2nd breath when I should definitely be going to sleep. Note to self: build strategies in which to get to bed earlier. Hopefully when I'm in Philly it should be better.

They say one's character is tested truly according to the way they act when they are hungry and tired. I can find myself running out of patience more and more as I run my body into the ground. However, the weekends offer sweet relief of doing nothing except sleeping and lounging around. I look forward to this long Thanksgiving day weekend. Hopefully I can get away with offering minimal intellectual and emotional effort for the thanksgiving weekend as I recharge. What a bitchfest I sound like. So it seems like I've finally figured out how to make myself crack: Run myself into the ground w/out any exercise and minimal sleep.

Anyway, what a relief it's been. I've gotta give it to Alan for getting uber-excited into biking to finally force me into taking my ridiculously hooked up bike out for the first time. Surprisingly, there was a trail in the area that was awesome and offered a ton of quad-burning climbs and technical parts that I'm inspired. Despite my ass-bones hurting like hell, I did another 1.5 miles or so around town. It felt great. Now I've gotta come up with a plan to keep this up.

It is really nice to have some alone time. No one to talk to, no one to cater to, the cats doing their own thing and my opportunity to find sweet relief in my bed. Now I've gotta jot down the little stuff to do for the next couple of days, *cough cough* find audi parts and s2000 parts and directions on taking apart shayna's door.... ugh. So much to fix and so little time to do so. Balance~ Gotta find it somewhere. I think it'll start with prioritizing exercise somewhere in there...